June 20: A Rainbow is Conceived

written June 20, 2012

Well folks it happened!  Marlon and I are pregnant!!  I still can't believe it...

I woke today feeling weird and something inside me just told me to test.  Of course with the luck I've been having these past few months I told myself that it was probably negative.  As I waited for the test to give me its results, my heart just started beating really fast.  The three minutes felt like hours.  As I was brushing my teeth I looked down at the test and low and behold it said "Pregnant". 

I felt numb neither in a good way nor a bad way.  I just stood there and kept staring at the test thinking if I blinked that it would actually say "Not Pregnant" that my mind somehow played a cruel trick on me.  I closed my eyes and just took it all in. 

Pregnant. 

A life is once again growing inside me.  Before I shared my news with Marlon I decided to take this time for myself.  I walked over to the living room where Alyssa's ashes were and I just stood there staring at the tiny memorial we made for her.  I picked up her ashes and with tears in my eyes thanked her.  I knew she had some sort of hand in helping me get pregnant.  I asked her to please take care of me as I walked this long and scary road.  I asked her to bless this new life and protect her baby brother or sister. 

I then went to our bed room, got in bed and told Marlon that I had his father's day gift.  He said in a slumber "I told you, you didn't have to get me anything" I then said "yes, but I did anyway so you have to see what it is"...he then warily opened his eyes and looked straight at the HPT and for a while he kept saying "I can't see it" and "I don't know what it says", I finally said "what do you think it says if I'm showing you this!!!!"...He then finally really looked at it and said "I told you, you were pregnant."

Ok, so maybe the last few weeks I've been having some pregnancy symptoms but I didn't want myself to think that I was because I'd be crushed if I actually wasn't.  Yet, this whole time Marlon kept saying he's sure that I am.  Guess he was right with that one!

So as of today I am 3 weeks 6 days and my due date is 2/28/2013.  I don't know what the next 8-9 months will hold for me.  I'm sure it's going to be a scary ride and  I just hope that in the end I have a screaming baby coming out of me.  Those cries will be sweet music to my ears.