July 15: Letting Nature Take It's Course

written 7/15/12 (7 weeks 3 days)

Last week was an exciting and scary week.  We started out by seeing my O.B. last Tuesday, this was the first time we've seen her since Alyssa's passing and I wasn't sure what her reaction would be.  To my surprise her reaction was actually very warm.  She congratulated us on getting pregnant and is really hoping for the best. 

We basically did a lot of talking, she was trying her best to calm my fears but at the same time there really isn't much she can do at this point since I am still very on.  Never the less she said that she would write a referral for me to get an ultrasound so that I can ease my fears and see my baby early. 

I went ahead and called for an appointment to get an ultrasound and ideally I wanted it to be for next week however because they were booked I had to take an earlier appointment which was last Friday.  This ultrasound would barely make me 7 weeks and in my heart I knew that it was early but I've also heard of ladies who have gone in earlier and was able to detect a heart beat.

Friday rolls around and I'm trying to stay as cool as can be.  We get to the ultrasound and to make a long story short the tech was only able to detect the gestational sac and yolk sac, but no fetal pole and no heartbeat.  A Doctor ended up coming in and basically told me that by looking at the sac I am measuring about 6 and a 1/2 weeks and that in itself is too early too detect anything.  He suggested that I come back in a week to check for viability.  The Doctor said that at this point we basically have a 50/50 chance.

I left the appointment feeling confused at what to think and how to feel.  I've heard about women not being able to see anything in the ultrasound because they came in too early but at the same time I've also known women to come in at 6 weeks and see their little peanut. 

My saving grace out of all this is that I have no bleeding or cramping.  I am hoping that my dates are off and I am earlier then I thought I was.  I am hoping that my rainbow is really in there and she/he is growing and thriving.  I go back on the 23rd to check on the growth and check for viability.

At this point there really is nothing I can do.  As much as I want to take control of the situation, I can't, and I learned this the hard way when Alyssa died.  I know deep down that there is a baby inside me but only time can tell.  I just have to let nature take its course.  Till then I'm just trying to keep busy and not think about it so much.  I have to admit that the first 2 days after the appointment I spent hours online trying to get as much information as possible but what I read on the internet started to scare me even more so I quit cold turkey. 

As for how I'm feeling , I still feel the same as I did last week. Severly tired, constantly hungry, I'm getting the icky feeling more than before but not to the point of vomitting (though I did do it once but that was because of the food I ate.) This whole time I've been pregnant I haven't gained one pound yet this past week I ended up gaining a pound and a half!! I must of been really bad this week ;)

On another side note it was Marlon's birthday this past week on the 10th and we had a nice quiet dinner with his family.  He also was able to take two weeks off which is RARE and I'm trying to savor this time with him because I know for a fact that the next time he'll be off again for more then 3 days is when this baby is born (hoping that this baby is born.)