Cat's Outta The Bag

What secret have I finally started telling you might ask??

Well everyone, I'm pregnant!!  Yes, my dear Alyssa is going to be a big sister. 

I just reached twelve weeks yesterday and I do apologize for the late announcement however because I do have close friends and family who often read this blog, I wanted to make sure they heard the news from us first before I announced it here. 

This is the main reason why I haven't been writing so much however I have been secretly writing throughout this pregnancy which I will share with you all right after I end this post. 

Now that our news is out in the open I feel relieved.  It also feels more real the more we tell people.  How I'm feeling you ask?  I'm scared shitless and yet hopeful at the same time.  I want to love this baby with every once of my being but at the same time don't want to open myself up like I did with Alyssa for fear that my hopes and dreams may once again come crashing down.

I no longer look months ahead but instead glad that I made it through another day knowing that my baby is still alive.  I pray everynight hoping that this time, I will get the ending that I wanted so desperately with Alyssa.

The one big change in my life this time around is that I no longer stress about the small stuff nor the big stuff if I can help it.  It's crazy how things have changed.  What would normally drive me crazy  no longer fazes me. 

I have 28 more weeks to go and GOD knows what a crazy ride this will be.  I've already had some freakout moments which you will soon find out but I know that I have GOD on my side, not to mention a very special angel watching out for Marlon and I. 

Here is the latest picture of our little gummy bear...Come on you have to admit that this baby of mine sorta looks like one ;)

Alyssa - I can only imagine where you are right now and how carefree you must be...I miss you so much and still think about you on a daily basis.  I know that you are looking down at your Daddy and I and consistently watching over us, guiding us.  We need you more then ever...We need you to watch over your little baby brother/sister.  I know you'll do the best you can.  We love you baby girl...