Another many of firsts without Alyssa, this time it's Father's Day. I woke up early this morning and greeted Marlon a happy fathers day. I asked him if he thought he was still a father and he said "I was a father"...those words broke my heart but at the same time I took the time to really explain to him that despite the fact that we don't have Alyssa here with us that doesn't mean he isn't a father. Denying himself the title of "father" means that he is denying Alyssa's existence. Once a father, always a father.
Alyssaa gave us both the gift of parenthood, and I wish nothing more then to give him a living child to raise. Throughout the 4 months since Alyssa passed I'd get glimpses of what Marlon would be like as a father and those glimpses makes me smile and sad all at the same time. Smile because I know what a good and protective father he'd be but sad that he can't put those skills to use just yet.
We will have another child, I know that, and I hope it's sometime soon but until then I'll just have to wait and see glimpses of Marlon as a father.
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