Tears In Heaven

Dear Alyssa,

I woke up today knowing that today was your due date.  I'm not sure how I'm feeling.  A part of me is still sad because of the fact that you are not here with me, but another part of me is at peace knowing that you are in a better place. 

Your daddy and I went to St. Peter and Paul and we lit a candle in honor of you.  I hope you were able to see it.  It's been almost two months since you were born in heaven and not a day goes by that I don't think of you.  I can say that the pain has lessened but it is still there, and I don't think it will ever go away.  I still can't believe that we met with a goodbye kiss.  God, I miss you.

I hope you know just how much I love you...I'm sorry that  I couldn't meet you in this world and that I wasn't able to raise you like I had hoped.  I had such big plans for you, and I often dreamed about our future together.  It saddens me that my hopes and dreams left when you left me.  Now I'm learning to accept this new life of mine without you in it.  Luckily, your dad has been an amazing support system and we are both looking forward to growing our family.  Hopefully one day we will be blessed to bring a baby boy/girl into this world.  You will always be our first born, and I will make sure that your little siblings will grow up knowing that they have an older sister up in heaven, and that you are watching over them.   

Your dad and I just came back yesterday from Italy.  We had a great time despite everything that's happend.  I remember sitting outside of the restaurant on day 2 of our trip listening to the guitarist serenading the crowd.  I started to feel sad, I was sad because this was not how my life was suppose to be.  I started getting teary eyed as I was eating my food, and out of no where the next song the guitarist sang brought me to tears.  He sang "tears in heaven" and as soon as I heard that song, I turned to your daddy and we both knew that it was a sign from you.  You were telling me that you felt my sadness  and that you were there with me.  I know that deep down you were telling me not to be sad and that we will meet again one day.  Until then, I have to be strong and move on with my life.  I heard you loud and clear, I will move on with my life, but I want you to know that you will never be forgotten. 

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven
-Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton