Bittersweet

I miss the years that were erased

I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face

I miss all the little things

I never thought that they'd mean everything to me

Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here

So far away from where you are

These miles have torn us worlds apart

And, I miss you, yeah, I miss you

And I wish you were here
-From Where you Are, Lifehouse

I leave today, my husband and I are leaving to Italy for 7 days.  This trip was a last minute, spur of the moment, get the fuck outta here kinda trip.  You see, at this time I should be caring for Alyssa or at least waiting for her delivery.  The delivery of our first born.  This time of our lives should be exciting, we should be relishing the last few days of being "just the two of us."     

But, that's not what life decided to give me.  Instead, life decided to take me to a road less traveled.  I lost Alyssa 7 weeks ago today.  The excitement is no longer here, and it is still "just the two of us."  I've completely lost my innocence.  The thought that nothing bad would ever happen to me.  Bad things only happen to other people.  Life has humbled me and has brought me to my knees. 

I've slowly learned to pick up the pieces and continue on with my life.  A part of me however is no longer here.  A piece of my heart belongs to Alyssa and she took it with her when she left me for heaven.  I'm ok with that.  I would want nothing else but for her to have a piece of me just as a piece of her will always be with me.  So, I learn to move on.  We are leaving this place (at least for a week) to explore another part of the world and some say it's a whole different world. 

This is all bittersweet but I am fortunate despite it all to be given the chance to look at my life and see it as half full versus half empty.  Alyssa is giving me this strength.  I know she is up there in heaven asking, pleading, for her mommy and daddy to be happy and optimistic again.  Who am I to disappoint my baby. 

So, I will end it here and when I come back I will start looking towards the future and the wonderful possibilities life has in store for me and my husband.  I can't wait...