I'd first like to introduce myself. My name is Sheryll Ing and I am married to the most amazing man alive Marlon, who've I've known for 9 years now and have been married to for almost 2 years. We have a beautiful daughter Alyssa Elie Ing who is growing up in heaven. She was born on 2.20.12 while I was 32 weeks pregnant. We have yet to get concrete answers as to what happend, and I am still shocked that she is no longer here. We love her dearly and it comforts me to know that love was the only thing she knew. I cherish the moments she was inside me and I know one day I will see her again. Until then I am doing the best I can to cope with her loss.
This blog is my journey on dealing with her loss, and trying to once again find some sort of happiness. My hope is to extend my family and to give Alyssa a baby brother/sister. This would be my rainbow baby.
Rainbow babies: In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a
child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a
rainbow after a storm. "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of
a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it
doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing
with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light
has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still
hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."
I am in a strange place in my life and it's a place that not many people have been in, and I hope to GOD that no one ever does. In one aspect I want more then anything to greive for the loss of my child. For me greiving is the only way I know to keep her memory alive and fresh in my mind. Yet, there is another part of me who is fighting to be happy. I want to look to the future and be hopeful for what lies ahead. There has to be light at the end of this very dark and I'm sure very long tunnel. I flip flop between the two and have yet to find a balance, if I ever will.
I hope that this blog can help someone who is going through something similar, and to know that there is always a rainbow after a storm...You just have to want to search for it.
What a fine balance between being happy and sad and needing to hold on and let go... Just know that you can do all things in your time. There is no right or wrong when it comes to grief. You need to do what's right for you and what may be right today may not be right tomorrow and vice-versa... I'll be praying for you and that rainbow baby who will have an amazing big sister to watch over her always. I went on to have rainbow babies and they still sometimes talk about those angels that watch over them. Make me happy and sad all at the same time... that fine balance again.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that Sweet Alyssa couldn't stay. So happy that you know that she is always with you... just a whisper away!
Hugs-
L